Episode Transcript
Speaker 1 00:00:06 Hello, everyone in happy spring. It's me. M I am back after a six month hiatus off all digital things. Uh, and I am back with a clear vision on moving forward. And I'm excited to tell you about it. Um, I I've been ruminating over the last several months about how to go about this episode. And, uh, at the end, I just decided I'm gonna jump right in. It is time for a major refocus. In 2017, I started a portrait project called faces of fortitude that began to create a space for people to talk, talk about suicide in a space that was free of stigma and safe. So we could all feel a little bit less alone. And within those sessions, I documented it with portrait art. I posted it online and it spread so quickly because so many of us needed to feel that same safety, right.
Speaker 1 00:01:00 And then the pandemic, my kit. And I feel like that's a statement that so many of us use in our daily storytelling now, and then the pandemic kit, and then boom, right? My photo sessions had to stop. And I admittedly panicked a little bit because I didn't know where I was gonna be able to keep this community alive. Thus, this podcast was born and I just wanna note that it was born in the first few months of this pandemic unfolding. So it was a little chaotic. So things grew pretty quickly. And my reach grew across social media very fast. And I admit things got very exciting for me. It was a level of validation that I had not felt in my adult life. You know, looking back I'm realizing it was something I needed as a child, of course, but I digress. Um, it felt intoxicating at times, but remember outside of that, we were still in a pandemic.
Speaker 1 00:01:56 So I was actually living alone for the first time in 25 years, within an instant because of the pandemic, my commun disappeared, but online, they were there for me. They were there every time I made banana bread. Every time I got a new plant or had a plant therapy session, every time I got out of counseling and, and had a, a moment of light bulb about something within my trauma, I had set a precedent of sharing my innermost pain points, life lessons, trauma stories at one point, and as my audience grew, I had convinced myself that it was my responsibility to the masses and who, if this Leo rising ego did not feed right into that loving every single thing that came along with it, while the rest of me, admittedly got very lost in the process. Social media provided exactly the soothing I needed in order to ignore the shit that was coming up in the quiet moments. So I was not alone in this. I know that so many of us had these mega life events and transitions happen during lockdown situations that so many of us tolerated for so many years were brought into the forefront and we couldn't ignore 'em anymore. The top thing I've heard from people around these huge life shifts happening across the board were I never thought that I would be strong enough to do that, or I'd never thought I'd ever be ready to do that.
Speaker 1 00:03:34 We learned we could do hardship than we thought we could. We were pushed to our limits of self-care and then forced to go past our limits and survived. This quarantine slowed us down just enough that we could no longer keep some of those plates spinning that we were such masters at before. Right. I personally had to take a very needed step back to remember, why am I here? I am on this path for one very specific reason to create a level of safety, education and humane visibility around the topic of mental illness and suicide. My goal has always been to create communities of survivors, helping each other across the narratives, creating a process of mutual heat. So I am proud to share with you the new title of this podcast, faces of fortitude behind the lens. It is going to be a space for me to introduce you to a face, which is someone who's been touched by suicide in any way. And then I will give them the platform to share as much as they feel comfortable about how suicide has touched their life in whatever form feels safe for them, be it storytelling, poetry, music, art, et cetera.
Speaker 1 00:05:00 Since I lost my brother, Jimmy, to Sue aside over a decade ago, I have realized that the more we can normalize and use care and having difficult, sad, and intense conversations, The more welcome people are going to feel and connecting with each other at their scariest moments. It is my hope that through this podcast past, maybe at a moment when you're faced with your own mortality In a second, that feels like it might last forever. And the pain is not survivable. You will remember that there was a space that was safe to share painful things out loud, Who knows that could be just the light, someone out there needs in order to stay Just one more day. I hope you will help me welcome them to this space and treat their vulnerability, not just with care, but also with great celebration. Over the last three years of this project, I've learned that the reason it took on a life of its own goes back to why it started in the first place. Being able to see someone else in the world, thriving and thriving and doing the thing with similar traumas as ours helps us feel so much less alone.
Speaker 1 00:06:25 It's a club that none of us wanna be part of, but we are so grateful. We aren't the only member here. Now, the part that many of you are probably fast forward to find Regarding the rest of the things I've shared over the years on various social media platforms, Whether it was taking you through the journey of my family's various life adventures, my transgender and hormone process, talking about polyamory or the process of healing my out traumas. First of all, I am so ridiculously grateful to those of you that held my moments with so much care To those of you who are sad, hurt, or frustrated by this most recent part of my journey. I give you my heartfelt apologies. I've taken these last six months to dig deep, continue doing the work needed on myself and recenter my focus on how I wanna make a positive impact in the world. I had to remember that it's not how we fall, but how we rise. I had to learn to give myself the grace I get of everyone else in my life. And I am enjoying a very new feeling. Y'all for the first time as an adult,
Speaker 1 00:07:48 I'm enjoying the freedom to experience all of my life adventures, the good, the bad, the scary and exciting a hundred percent in real time, without a lens or a filter in for of them for full absorption. It's time to face and process things as they come without the need to share, validate and commiserate with the online world As Derek Walcot states, still one of my favorite poems. I'm finally feasting on my life. The only a bit about this journey I will share with you as this 10 out of 10, I would recommend this experience to every single one of you. Thank you to everyone who's listened and who will continue to, I'm happy to have you here. This has been a horrible time, us all in different ways, and it's never been more important for us to remember that we are
Speaker 2 00:08:49 Sorry,
Speaker 1 00:08:52 As you can tell, I'm still working on this sentence personally. It's never been more important for us to remember that we are so much more than our stumbles and mistakes. We are fallible humans who are just trying to get through every day of this wild fucking ride. Y'all This space is for us all celebrate making it this far and having the free will to choose to live and be here up to this very moment that right there y'all is proof that living and being That is proof that living and being is and can always be enough Happy spring and welcome back. I'm excited to share with you.
