Speaker 1 00:00:02 Welcome to Faces of Fortitude Behind the lens, a safe space for anyone who's been touched by suicide to share their story in whatever form feels safe for them. Since losing my brother Jimmy to Suicide over a decade ago, I've realized that the more we can normalize and use care in having difficult, sad, and intense conversations, the more welcome people are going to feel with connecting with each other at their scariest moments. It is our hope that when you're faced with your own mortality, maybe at a moment when the pain doesn't feel survivable, you will remember that there was a space where you heard other people sharing similar stories of loss and trauma and resilience. And we hope that that space of survivors reminds you in that moment that you're not alone and you decide to stay and fight just one more day. Now, please help me in welcoming the brave guests to this podcast and treat their vulnerability not just with care, but also with great celebration. Thanks again for being here. Let's get ready to go behind the lens.
Speaker 2 00:01:19 All right, welcome back everyone to Behind the Lens. I am very, very honored to have my two guests here today, Manav and Krishna Manav was my fellow speaker at my very first TEDx in Youngstown, Ohio. What a town that was. And Manav and I were kind of study buddies with our friend Lolita. And, um, that night, that night before the, the speech was the night that I first learned who Krishna was, your daughter. And she, uh, was, it was a wonderful welcome. And this feels like such a, a full circle. So, Manav, if you would tell me a little bit about who you are and what you do, and tell the, our listeners. And then Krishna, you can go after your dad.
Speaker 3 00:02:04 Thank you. Em, thank you for having me. And, uh, thank you for having me second time around on your podcast, uh, and, uh, um, you know, thank you to all your listeners for, for listening into this. Yeah. Um, you and I, um, met, uh, in Youngstown in 2019. I think it was September, when we were at a Tech TEDx event. And I was talking about, um, you know, my work, um, my speech was about my work with children, uh, helping kids ex, uh, express big and difficult, painful, stressful feelings when they find it difficult to articulate. Uh, you know, when, when, when feelings are too big to be expressed in words. And, you know, that can be a challenge, not only for kids, but for anyone. But I was, uh, you know, zooming in my, on my work with kids who struggled with stressful, painful, big, difficult feelings.
Speaker 3 00:03:02 And my speech began with my personal story. Um, and, uh, you know, how Krishna, even Krishna started speaking, uh, late, um, uh, you know, as, as, as a toddler. She started, she, you know, she was three, three and a half years old, and she was still speaking only in mono syllables. And we were, you know, my wife and I, we were both, um, very stressed. We had gone to speech therapists, uh, you know, just to see if, uh, you know, there was something we needed to take care of and address. And, but what we learned in that process was, you know, all this while, while we were waiting to listen to Krishna's spoken words and communicate with her in words, she was already communicating through drawing and art. You know, we, our house, you know, the walls, each and every corner, nook and Crans covered with her scribbles and her art.
Speaker 3 00:03:54 She would draw sort of furiously and passionately on paper. And we, we recognized one evening that, you know, we are missing, you know, these, these, these, you know, this very important aspect of communication with, with our child while we are waiting for her to, you know, start speaking. And, and how that led me to using art and drawing, uh, with, with children, uh, and using art and drawing with children. Um, you know, instead of them expressing or explaining in words what they're feeling, they could actually draw it out and show rather than tell what they're feeling. Right. That was the topic of my, my, my speech, a, a as you know, am. And, uh, yeah. And that's, um, that's, you know, quite frankly, how my sort of journey, my own personal journey into self-growth and spiritual growth began also, you know, at the same time Krish was born and as I was growing with her as a parent.
Speaker 3 00:04:51 So, yeah. Yeah, it feels like, uh, nice full circle, um, here, uh, about me. Um, you know, I'm, uh, I'm of course Christian's dad, my wife Jar, uh, cni and I, we live in Austin, Texas. Uh, we moved to the United, United States in 2017 when Krishna was nine. And and I think, uh, we'll get, get into more of that and Christian will get, get into more of that, uh, you know, the challenges she faced. Um, but yeah, I'm a, I'm a technologist by profession, but who I truly am as a person, as an individual is, you know, a practitioner of healing. Um, you know, I, my main goal, uh, in life, my personal passion is to make sure, you know, uh, li life is, is full of suffering. And how, you know, I, my work, um, in this domain as a healing practitioner can help alleviate that suffering. I believe all of us came here to heal. Uh, all of us are here to heal and to heal others. And that, that I think is my passion and my motivation behind most of, uh, you know, what I do and how I live in life. So, um, yeah, that's, uh, that's who I am.
Speaker 2 00:06:05 We're all heal here to heal and heal others. I love that. Thank you for that. Yeah. Um, Krish, please tell everyone about yourself. We're so happy to have you here.
Speaker 4 00:06:17 Hi. I'm happy to be here, too. Um, so I'm 15 years old. I'm a sophomore in high school, and currently we're based in Austin, Texas. I live with my parents and, uh, my 10 month dog, Yuki. And, um, I was initially born and raised in India until I was 10. Uh, then we moved to California when I was in fifth and sixth grade through fifth and sixth grade. And since then, we've been based in Austin, Texas. I guess in terms of my purpose, I, I, like I mentioned, it's still kind of hard to identify what my, my two purposes, but as of now, I would consider myself an advocate for mental wellbeing for three teens, teens, and mainly my age group. And with that purpose, I founded Detox Mind, um, last summer because no one deserves to suffer in isolation and silence with their struggles.
Speaker 2 00:07:18 Woo. That's a mouthful. You just said that whole thing. Thank you for, for explaining and for introducing yourselves. Um, I wanna start with the story, how it began, which is with Manav and I in Youngstown rehearsing our speech that night before in this hotel room with like five people. And, um, I remember hearing about you, Krishna, and I remember hearing about how the process that your dad had gone through with you and, and, um, just learning to feel things through other things other than words. And that's the, that's so much of what I took away from his talk. And Manav, I know that we've talked off camera about this or off microphone about this, but I would love to talk about from that point where it went. I know you guys moved a lot and there was, there was some disconnect there, and then you guys realized that CNI was, was struggling. I would love to hear that part of the story from you, because as a father, as a healer, as somebody who literally did a Ted talk about this, I know that it had to be difficult for you to see her struggling like this.
Speaker 3 00:08:33 Yeah. Um, you know, so circa September 27, you know, I do this Ted talk. You know, we, we had already spent two years in California. That was just around the time that we had moved to Austin, actually after two years in California. So, uh, as Christine mentioned, she was nine and a half 10 when she moved to California. And, uh, you know, she, um, she, she suffered, uh, for two years there, um, in school just trying to fit in and, uh, be accepted in her peer group at school, you know, uh, a nine year old, nine and a half year old, coming all the way from the other side of the world. Um, and, uh, you know, new culture, new environment, new schooling system, um, all of that. And the, you know, the irony of it all is that here I am giving the Ted talk about helping kids express pain and stress.
Speaker 3 00:09:36 Um, and, uh, you know, unbeknownst to me, my own daughter is struggling through her own challenges of not just trying to culturally fit in, but also going through, you know, shaming and isolation from her, her new, new peers in her new environment. And, uh, you know, so two years had already since passed. When we moved to Austin, she was already struggling. And then yet another move, you know, one move two years ago from India to California, and then yet another move, this was again related to my, my, my job, my work in the technology domain. And so we moved in mid of 2019 to Austin, and, you know, this was again, what, four or five months before the pandemic began. So here she was trying to settle in yet another city, uh, in, in the US in a new school environment, and still under the impact of the, the, the shaming and the isolation and the ostracism that she had faced in California and now in lockdown.
Speaker 3 00:10:46 And, you know, after almost one and a half years of moving to Austin is when my wife and I discovered that, uh, you know, such a huge, um, um, you know, phase three and a half year long phase for Krishna of suffering as a nine year old, half nine and a half nine from the age of nine and a half all the way through 12, right? We were coming back from Houston, uh, you know, from a, from a weekend camping trip. And she just start, she was sitting in the backseat of the car. We were driving down from, you know, driving down back, back to Austin from Houston, and she started talking about how she had processed the whole shaming and the ostracism and the isolation she had faced in California, two y you know, one and a half years ago. And that was, you know, very, very difficult conversation.
Speaker 3 00:11:41 Uh, you know, I'm at the driving wheel on, on a next expressway, and my wife's sitting next to me, and we are just listening to this, and I'm going, oh my God. You know? And, uh, you know, as, as a practitioner, a healing practitioner, healing people, you know, I'm also guilty and feeling, uh, neglectful maybe that I, I didn't know, you know, this went unobserved unidentified, and oh my God, you, you know, you don't want your own child to, to, you know, nobody. And you know, Lisa saw your own child to, to suffer like this, but I think she had processed it by then, by the time she was 12. It took her that long to really process it, to really understand that she had been shamed and isolated. I think she hadn't understood what she'd gone through and the impact of it, even though she was scaring the burden of it, right?
Speaker 3 00:12:34 She hadn't understood what it meant. It was only at the age of 12 that she'd started to process it, and she spoke about it the first time in that, you know, drive, uh, in, in that car. So that was, it was very difficult. And, um, um, you know, just to, just to acknowledge, accept, understand, uh, and, you know, as I'm saying, even overcome my own sort of guilt, uh, in, in inside me, uh, feeling like, you know, this spent un underdressed for such a long time. But then, you know, uh, I've, I've also learned, uh, the importance of, you know, showing up to every experience as it is. And, you know, the past is done and gone. Uh, you know, it's done with, I can't repent over not having acknowledged it sooner, but in the moment when she's telling me I have to be fully present to that.
Speaker 3 00:13:23 And, you know, then we have been working through it, uh, since then. And that process has, I think her Krishna's own healing has been going on. I think, um, you know, it is still going on. And, uh, you know, the initiative called Oxide that she mentioned is part of that healing. Um, you know, her own decision and realization that, you know, kids her age and peers, teens find a difficult to understand these big and challenging feelings, and these need to be spoken about, and the power of, you know, sharing and talking about these things. Um, and that's what has led to, you know, that realization in Krishna has led to her sort of wanting to, um, to, to sort of be an advocate for, for mental health and, you know, asking her peers to come out in the open and, you know, share their struggles and challenges. Um, but you know what, I'll, I'll pause there. I'll let Krishna because this is her initiative. She should be the one talking about it. But yeah, you know, just to answer your question, that's what transpired between General Dead Talk and Yeah, <laugh>. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:14:40 That's helpful. Dad. Don't worry, don't feel bad. I was getting Christie <laugh>. No, it was, I, I want that backstory. It's helpful. And, um, Christie, I wanna back up to even before you were in the car with your parents that day, you know, your dad said something so important, which was, it took you that long to process to understand what had happened to you. Because, you know, I, I think about most nine or 10 year old Dino, they're not quite, that's a really early to know what a bully is. And so, because you just wanna be liked, you just wanna be accepted, and you're just like, well, maybe this is how you do it. Who knows? And I think then you started to grow up and hear things from other people, and hear other people's stories, and you started to have the words and the definitions for what was happening, and then you realized, and I, I want to hear about that and how you experienced that, and then how that led you to not wanting to be here anymore and or not wanting to experience pain anymore.
Speaker 4 00:15:41 Um, so I mean, after I moved, like, it was kind of like I lived in India and the world, like my whole world was all colors and rainbows. I had friends, all my friends loved me, my family loved me. I was around people who I had grown up with and who loved and supported me my whole life. And then coming to the US was like entering a dark void, kind of, but I didn't even know I was, I thought I was, I, when I moved, I thought, you know, you know, everything was gonna be fine. I would make friends like, you know, I was fine in India. I would be fine in this completely new world as well. But unfortunately, that wasn't the case. Um, I, during fifth grade, most of the year went in me observing and seeing, you know, the cultural differences and mostly spending my time alone.
Speaker 4 00:16:30 Uh, my peers were never directly mean to me in fifth grade, but they would always end up acting and saying demeaning things about me behind my back and ostracizing me. Um, I think one of the first times I noticed this was in class when I was sitting at like one of our tables in class and just, I think I was just doing some work, and there were these boys on the table next to me who were laughing and, you know, joking around. And, you know, I just thought, oh, wow, they're having fun. And I didn't think too much of it, but then I realized they weren't like, joking around. They were making fun of the way I talk, like my accent, because it wasn't, I guess, quote unquote American. Like, I didn't roll my rs the way they, they did. I didn't pronounce my Ts and Ds how they did, like, my enunciation wasn't that good at the time, and they were making fun of it and laughing at me, and I felt like terrible because I didn't even notice that it was such a big deal.
Speaker 4 00:17:43 But I kept telling myself that, oh, you know, they're just not used to me, you know, I am, they're new to me and I'm new to them. They'll learn to like me someday. Um, and they just kept on excluding me. And they also treated me as if I was uneducated because I came from a poor country. Um, we had a science project once, and a guy on my, in my group, like I, he saw me struggling on a worksheet we were doing, and he just threw the paper at me instead of helping me. Like, he just threw it at me so I could copy off of him. And I remember he also tried to explain to me what a whiteboard marker was and what crayons were, and you know, just not like normal stationary like that as if I didn't know what it was, even though I lived, like I, my school life was exact, like, similar to how they live, like half school.
Speaker 4 00:18:37 Um, and it just felt really meaning that they were looking at me as if I was an aunt or like some small creature, like a helpless, ignorant thing. But I was still hopeful that, you know, I would find my place and, you know, they would like me someday. And then sixth grade happened and I made three friends. Um, one girl, she was pretty mean to me, fifth grade, but she apologized to me. And so I decided to forgive her because, you know, I thought, oh, finally, you know, they learned to accept me and I had friends and I thought that I finally found a place where I belonged, but they would always belittle me and called me annoying and ugly and keep telling me to shut up almost every day. They would walk ahead of me, you know, when we would go to lunch or research that I would be trailing behind them.
Speaker 4 00:19:38 And they were just, I was practically non-existent, but I kept, I mean, subconsciously I knew that, you know, these weren't good friends or good people to me, but I was in denial because, you know, they were my friends. Like, why would they try to hurt me? They would never do that. I couldn't process the fact that, you know, even people close to you could stab you in the back or in the throat or wherever. Um, yeah, the most of the time it was just insults like annoying and ugly. And, but I think the why max, I would say like, the main thing that caused a big change in my character and kind of shook me as an individual was when we, uh, I don't like to talk about this. Um, we were ha we had a science camp and we were out of the house for five days, and I was really excited to be with, you know, being in the same cabin as my friends.
Speaker 4 00:20:43 Um, and I remember we, we went on nature hikes every day, and we would see, see new animals, we would do new things. We would go to rivers, you know, discover new types of trees, new animals. And I remember that on, I think it was a Thursday, um, we were taking a nature walk and I saw chameleon and our camp counselors or chaperones had said that chameleon were very rare in the area, and they also camouflaged. So it's really hard to see one. So naturally, I was very enthusiastic. I was very excited, and I was like, I was, you know, telling my friends that, oh, I, you know, I saw chameleon, I'm so happy. Like, I just saw one. Oh my God. And then, um, the girl who I forgave, she yelled at me in front of everyone, the chaperones and our classmates and our group, and just yelled, you know, shut up your, so,
Speaker 2 00:21:34 2020 people,
Speaker 4 00:21:35 Right? Yeah. 20 people. They just yelled. Sh she just yelled, shut up. You're so freaking annoying. And I think I stopped talking after that, like completely. And I, the worst part was no one, no one corrected her. No one supported me. My other two friends just went after her, and I just dragged myself behind our group. And then that's
Speaker 2 00:22:07 Really, I just wanna sit, take a second and just say, that's horrible. As somebody who was very bullied in high school, I was very bullied. Um, I know the layers of feelings that that has, that has like, humiliation, anger, sadness, hurt, and it, it's so amplified when it's in front of people. It's so amplified. So of course you stopped talking, of course you had a reaction to it. And I still think you sound like you handled it better than I probably would have, especially for the fact that there were adults present that did not support you. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I just want, I just wanted to take a second during your story to let you know that I saw, I see that and I see how hard it is for you to tell that story. Thank you. And I know what it feels like to be bullied. Um, and, um, yeah, kids can be horrible, horrible and mean, and a lot of it has to do with their backgrounds. I'm sure your dad has a lot to say about that. But, um, anyways, I would like to keep going with your story. I just wanted to make that little pause.
Speaker 4 00:23:14 I mean, it wasn't just like me handling, well, it wasn't me handling it well. I couldn't handle it. I didn't know what to do. Like how was I supposed to respond? No one was on my side. Like, she was probably one of the most popular kids in our grades, so obviously everyone would side with her. Not the random transfer kid who came from India also. Um, yeah, I, after that specific incident, I kind of got taken out of my delusion that these were my friends and oh, life was happy, life was fine. It never was fine In California, I didn't have any friends or any sense of belonging. I mean, even in fifth grade, sixth grade, like, I would come home and cry almost every day, but I didn't understand why I was crying because I was still telling myself, it's all fine, it's all fine.
Speaker 4 00:24:10 You know, they aren't trying to hurt anyone like me. They would never do that. And that moment, that incident shook got me out of that, and my self-esteem just completely plummeted. And I'm still trying to regain it. I mean, I've picked up so many subconscious habits from those two years that still linger with me. And I, when I was there, I didn't, like, in fifth and sixth grade didn't process what happened until I moved. Like, after I moved, it was like, I saw the full picture. Cause I was away from it. I wasn't in the situation. But after I was out of it, like, after I moved, it took me ha like at least a year to completely process my experiences, how I felt and what happened. And I realized that I don't want anyone to feel the same way that I did when I moved. And the, it was probably one of my main fuels to start detox mind.
Speaker 2 00:25:24 So when you're, when things plummeted, when things went dark, when you felt dark, when did you start having words for that? What did that look like to you? What did it sound like to you? You know, there might be other kids listening, there might be teenagers listening or parents of teens listening who don't know what it looks like when someone young that might not have the same terminology for things feels suicidal or feels like they don't wanna be here anymore. If you're comfortable, of course, I would love it if you could walk through a few moments of what that looks like and what that felt like for you, because it's different depending on our age.
Speaker 4 00:26:01 Yeah. So when I moved to Texas in seventh grade, you know, I was occupied with school. I was kind of in my own world. Like, I was so occupied. And when I was like, my, I felt terrible about myself as a person, but I mean, I managed to make some friends and find some sense of belonging, but I didn't completely trust anyone. I kind of believed that everyone was just being nice to me, to my face and then saying stuff about me behind my back, like California, um, in terms of the suicidal part. And then the pandemic also began Christian. Yeah, that, that's, I'm getting the same time to that. Yeah, the suicidal part came more during the pandemic. I guess I'd kind of gone like insane during the pandemic. I think a lot of people can relate to that. Like, you know, you're sitting idly that you can't leave your house, you're feeling demotivated to do anything, I guess. I mean, after the California incident and during Covid, I kind of just lost my sense of purpose. I mean, even now I question if what I'm doing now is what I'm supposed to be doing, or if it is my purpose, or even if like, because I feel,
Speaker 4 00:27:18 Yeah, I just felt like, you know, the world wouldn't lose anything if I wasn't there. So I tried to,
Speaker 2 00:27:33 You're doing really great. I just want you to know that
Speaker 4 00:27:41 I think I tried to, um, I, the suicidal thoughts would keep coming, but I didn't ever believe that I would act on them until I did like twice. Um, and I felt, I couldn't understand why I felt that way because, you know, I had my parents, I could talk to them, like my grades were fine. I had like a, like a decent one or two friends, so I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me and why I didn't want to be there. I think the first time was I went, it was like late at night. Like my parents I think were watching a movie, and I just went downstairs and took a knife and just was about to slit my throat. Uh, no, my throat, sorry, my, my wrist. Um, but I, I, I couldn't do it because
Speaker 4 00:28:43 I mean, I was only 13. Like, I had so much more, like, there was such a long life ahead of me. If I just, it would feel like a waste because so many people, you know, they don't have the opportunity or the privilege to have a longer life than that. And just wasting it would just not be fair to them. And also just, I have so much to live for, but even after that, you know, after that first time I thought, you know, I'll be fine. But then I think after five months or something, four or five months, um, it happened again. Like, I think I searched a waste of poison myself and I tried it. And then I sometimes would pray that I wouldn't wake up the next morning. And it still happens sometimes. Like even if I, I've started, you know, something like detox somebody to help others, like, I'm still trying to help myself.
Speaker 2 00:29:47 Thank you for sharing that. I know that was hard. Um, first of all, when you were saying about, you know, you had this knife and, and you couldn't do it, I wanna acknowledge something because a lot of people say that suicide is cowardly and selfish, and I think it's the exact opposite. It, it's, it take, it's scary when you're in that moment. It's terrifying. It takes courage. And, and I think that it's okay that you, that you were scared, and I think it's really important. It's your body telling you, we might not be thinking this through. And it's, it's a bloom. It's a reaction in you. And I think by telling your story and by give putting words to those feelings, there might be other young people out there feeling things like this. And in case you ever doubt your purpose, I just want to give you some food for thought here.
Speaker 2 00:30:43 And this is something that I have come across in my writing and come, come to terms with in my writing. What if we don't have a purpose in life? What if there's not really a purpose? What if we spend all of this time trying to overcome all of the obstacles and traumas put in our way, that we carry these things onto our armor, our suit of armor to survive, and we spend the rest of our life taking those things off, getting back to our pure self, the self, before we got heartbroken, before we got fired, before we got a divorce, before we, all of these things bullied. You have to put these behaviors and ideals and things onto you to protect yourself. And so maybe don't worry as much about finding a purpose and doing something extravagant or large with your life. And maybe those things will be easier to find when you slowly start taking off those things that you needed to do to protect yourself from the kids in California, from these bullies.
Speaker 2 00:31:49 Because if we think about it, our, our pure selves are the ones that are gonna be able to grow and be able to get these goals that we want. And otherwise, we're, we're hindered by these things. And these bullies, these people that, that did these things to you are dealing with their own sides of these. And so I think, I think I would probably question you if you came on this podcast and said, I'm all healed and I've got this app and I'm here to help all the children, like, I would laugh and I'd be like, oh, this sweet, you know, 15 year old. And, and that's, and I'm glad that that's not the case. I'm glad that you are still healing and that you're still working. And I want you were about to say something and after that I want to hear about detox mind as well. And I want you to tell people what it is.
Speaker 4 00:32:38 Oh, I was was just gonna say like in con uh, in context to what you said about suicide, I think it's equally, it's kind of a paradox concept. Like it's equally courageous to face life's challenges as it as it is to, um, and decide that you want to do something as extrem as taking,
Speaker 2 00:32:59 Those are finger snaps. That's, those are finger snaps. It is, you are absolutely correct. And
Speaker 4 00:33:05 It's the same with, it's not brave to take your life as it's not brave to take it cuz you're not facing life. So it's a bit of a paradox, which is why it's difficult for difficult to decipher if it if suicide is courageous or not.
Speaker 2 00:33:22 I think, uh, I I I think there's nuance and I think there is nuance. Yeah, there's, there's nuance. And I think we, we have to remember that everyone has a different capacity as far as to handle trauma and, you know, yeah, there's definitely, there's definitely people out there that don't have the blessing of supportive family and opportunity Yeah. And privilege and things like that. And so there is nuance to all of it. But yes, what matters here, and this is something that I learned in the beginning of my, my, um, public speaker journey was a little thing called post-traumatic growth, which my listeners have heard me talk about it before. If you haven't Google it immediately. Um, and it's the psychological ability to take a trauma and work it in a way that not only heals yourself, but heals other people. Yeah. And does good, in essence, makes you, uh, more intelligent and healthier than you were before the trauma happened to you. And I see you doing this by creating detox mine. So tell everyone why you created it, what it is, the different platforms, it has all of that. Good.
Speaker 4 00:34:30 So while I created, it was mainly fueled by, you know, my experiences those two years in California. Um, overall though, detox Mine is a student led mental wellbeing initiative, which has the purpose of providing preteens, teens, youth, young adults with a safe space to express and heal from their negative and traumatic experiences. Um, our goals are to encourage youth and people to come forward, to share those challenging experiences, how they dealt with them so that others can learn and follow through those, through others' experiences. We also spread awareness on the importance of sharing and expressing feelings instead of suffering in silence and isolation. And then we overall just want to create positivity and a mentally healthy environment for youth within our communities. Um, in terms of features, detox, mine has a website. Uh, our main feature on the website is the, what's my story feature, which is the basis of detoxy.
Speaker 4 00:35:35 Uh, basically people can go, go and, you know, type their stories of triumph, like how they overcame their mental struggles, what they did so that others can look at them, others who are going through similar experiences or, um, you know, they need advice or they want to feel less alone with their struggles. They can read them, learn from them, use that like people's input through and apply to their own situations. And then for the app, it's, the app is mainly focused on self-care. You can listen to meditation, audios access our blogs. And the blogs are also on our website access workshops. Um, we have a journaling feature, which is probably my favorite, where you can write to your heart's content and draw and express your emotions. Um, and, and then we also have our events and workshops. Like we have our event on Sunday so that people can interact with one another and learn about different mental health topics.
Speaker 2 00:36:39 That's a lot, that's a lot to offer. You're, you're doing a lot and I know it. Thank you. I, I think it probably is, is very helpful to have parents that help you and that are supportive of this. Um, and I'm excited to speak to your group of, of people that are coming on Sunday. This will air shortly after, but I do want to tell people how they can get to you because if you're going to provide any clips afterwards, if you're gonna record the talk, um, maybe provide it on your website so people can watch it later. Um, how do they find you?
Speaker 4 00:37:13 Um, so they can find detox amide through our Instagram, which is just add detox in mind. Um, we have our website, which
[email protected]. Um, you can access me through email, which would be Kris gmail. I have a LinkedIn. Wonderful. Yeah. For and for workshop, um, recordings. Then you can go to our website. We have a section for workshops and events.
Speaker 2 00:37:38 Perfect. Do you, do either of you, because right now we're in such a, we're in such a tender time, such a volatile time, you know, we've got anti-trans antique legislation, we've got, you know, we're a racial reckoning happening. Like it's, there's a lot a recession. Our politics are a mess. So it's a hard time for everyone. Everyone is just at a different level of dysfunction and struggling. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. If you each had to give advice to the people that would relate most to you, so manav to parents with young, you know, with high school-aged children and Krishna to high school-aged kids, um, what piece of advice would you give them if they are struggling right now, if they're listening or this was sent to them because they're struggling and they're on their last, they're just, they just don't know why they're doing all of this. Krish, what you answer and then Manav, I wanna hear what you would say to parents that have kids that are feeling that way.
Speaker 3 00:38:40 Sure. Christian, you go first.
Speaker 4 00:38:43 I think the first, I think the main thing that most people mild struggle with is, or even me too, like acknowledging it or acknowledging and accepting your emotions as they are, like the type of person I am, I try to piece, you know, try to reason out my feelings and piece them together. Like, you know, my grades are fine, my friends are fine, my parents, I have good parents, like, you know, I have no reason to feel the way I feel kind of thing. But the important thing to know is that you cannot piece emotions the way you would piece like logic, like a puzzle. Yes. And the first step to healing, or even trying to become better mentally and emotionally and reaching a good stage is to acknowledge and validate your feelings as they are without trying to reason behind them. Because trauma and, you know, negative emotions come at different extremes to different people and different experiences, and you cannot compare them and you cannot reason out with them. It's just what it is, and you need to accept it to heal. And then after that you can, you know, figure out how to become, like, feel better or become better with whether it's, you know, through self-care, making time for yourself, meditating, pursuing hobbies, talking to people you love. You can only do that after you accept how you feel and what, how, what's mental state you're in.
Speaker 3 00:40:24 Yeah. And I'll, I'll probably build on that, um, to your question about, you know, how could parents support their, their kids, their, you know, younger children, teens, preteens, whatever age the kids might be. Um, I, you know, I recognize the, you know, look for the signals, right? I think you have to look for the signals. Uh, the, it all begins with being in a state of understanding, right? I think it all begins there. Um, for, for, for us parents, I think a lot of the times to love our kids needs to try and fix them, and we jump straight to to, to that step, which I think comes a little bit down the line, right? The first step is to really under just become aware of what could be possibly going on, right? Pause, reflect, understand before, before taking an action. I think that's something that's really crucial or important.
Speaker 3 00:41:36 Uh, the other thing is, you know, once you've, once you are seeing your child's experiences from your eyes, from this place of understanding, then reach out to them, right? If you think that they're struggling, you know, reach out to them, they might not even understand, you know, as in, in, in our case with Krishna and, and Krishna's case, they might not even know what they're going through. Um, so if you even suspect or doubt, uh, you know, have a conversation, right? That's a very, very, I think that's was the most crucial part of Kris's healing. I think it all began with that conversation in the car, right? Uh, yes. We, we didn't elicit that conversation. She started on her own, but, you know, don't wait. Uh, if you, if you see the signs, you know, reach out to your child and have that conversation, um, or as many as needed.
Speaker 3 00:42:34 Sometimes, you know, if you're, if you have teenage children, they might, they might push you back and, you know, and, uh, they might not want to open up to you or, uh, you know, don't take it personally, right? Sometimes understanding can just be, you know, not necessarily ha has to be understanding, expressed through words, but understanding expressed through just the look you have in your eyes for your child and what they're going through. You know, even though your lips are zipped and you're not saying anything because your child does not want to listen to your lecture or your advice, a look of understanding or just being present in their life from that place of understanding, sometimes just that is enough. You know? And that can be an expression of love. It not, not, you know, not always love means trying to go and fix their problems right at the right off the bat, right at the onset.
Speaker 3 00:43:33 So I think those are things I would like to say, right? Sometimes just sitting next to them or looking at them with, uh, uh, the eyes of understanding and with an energy of understanding and, um, and presence, I think is, is very important. Um, you know, have a walk with them. I've also seen some, you know, a lot of benefit sometimes, you know, the kind of physical stroking. Uh, one of my teachers used to say, you know, they, they used to call it strokes. I believe it's a concept in psychology, which really, you know, if your child, even though they're not talking to you and you sit next to them and you, you pat them on the head or pat them on the back or just rub their back gently, right? That could be enough healing that you could give to them in the moment, right?
Speaker 3 00:44:29 Um, so see how you can stroke your children when they're going through difficult moments. So, so, and, and then, you know, you will know what to do next. You know, is it getting them professional help if you know things are really, really out of hand and you feel you're not equipped to help your child, get them professional help. You know, therapist is not a bad word. Mental health, uh, mental healing is not a bad, you know, these, you know, just like we take a bath, when the body's hurting, when the body's injured, you know, a nail is broken. You've bruised yourself, you, you, you go, you know, uh, do things to, to, to take care of the body. Um, you know, going to a therapist is, uh, is exactly the same. It's like brushing your teeth or taking a bath. You're taking care of your mind and the state of health of your mind. So those are, those are some of the things that I would, I would really, really recommend for parents to be open to, to doing. But I think the most important thing is being in a state of understanding and willingness to accept, uh, you know, whatever might be going on right in, in, in, in your child's life. Whether it's spoken or directly told to you or not. Uh, I would say that's, that's where it begins.
Speaker 2 00:45:49 Did you wanna say something, Christine? Go ahead.
Speaker 4 00:45:52 Yeah, I think one other thing that a lot of people I think forget, I mean, me too, like that process of becoming healing or reaching a full state of, you know, I don't like, or happiness or healing, it takes a long time and it's really hard to determine when you will be, quote unquote completely okay. And even I forget that sometimes. Sometimes I like think, you know, it's been, it's been three years since I moved. Why am I still, why do I still have habits from, you know, California? Like apologizing for minor things, feeling bad for emoting too much, or being too emotional. It takes a long time, but even every day you're even just being there every day is one step closer to be becoming better mentally and emotionally and just don't be too hard on yourself if it's taking too long. That's all
Speaker 2 00:46:58 I love. That's not all, that's a lot. But
Speaker 3 00:47:00 <laugh>, it's super, super important. Yeah. Way.
Speaker 2 00:47:02 It's so important. And I, I wanna add something at the end because it's something that I recently just have been feeling around these bad feelings that come up or triggers as people call them. I call them blooms because I feel like there's something really, we've been taught to be so negative when our mind or our body reacts to something that's hard. Yeah. And in reality, our mind and our body are built to tell us when something is hard, when we need to give it something extra attention, when we need to work harder to get through something, if we can listen to our bodies a little bit more, that understanding will come naturally because we're like, oh, this is, this is a receptor. I'm actually learning something about myself. I talk about it being a blueprint to taking care of yourself. Oh, this is, there's a feeling around this.
Speaker 2 00:47:57 Even if we can't, like Krishna said, even if you can't make sense of it, just naming it and pulling it out and saying, this has me feeling some way, and I don't know what it is yet. I don't know why, but I'm letting you know because my energy's changing and my emotions are changing. Imagine how much free overthinking space we'd take. Less. Less. How much less if we didn't think, oh, I was, I talked too much. I had too big emotions in that conversation because the person didn't really explain that maybe they were having a reaction to something too. We all are just big walking balls of reactions anyways, based on what we've gone through. And so I think Krishna, I think what I, I would love this to instill in you as we part here, but for you to be so articulate in your emotions, in your trauma, in your healing at 15, who I'm not gonna curse, but I should.
Speaker 2 00:49:00 Um, you should. I mean, your're, you're, you're, I have a track record to really, really do big things, and I thank you. I really, I've, I've heard a lot of people say that your generation's gonna save our, our planet. So you are, and no pressure by the way, <laugh>, <laugh>. But, um, I do, I do really think that you are, um, already trying to find your pure self from a very young age. And you're, thank you're doing an amazing job. So on days that you feel still question your purpose and why you're here, I think you should, um, give yourself a little grace and know that you're on exactly the path that you're supposed to be. Thank you as you're doing it and you're feeling it. Thank you both so much for being here, for your patience with my recording system, for all of it. Um, I'm so excited to see where this journey takes you, Krish, and I'm excited to be part of it too. I'm excited for the talk on Sunday and, um, for people to hear this podcast and learn about you and follow you and be part of your journey. So thank you both again for being here. Thank you for having
Speaker 0 00:50:04 Us. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for having us.
Speaker 1 00:50:11 Thank you so much for listening and holding space for the stories and heart spaces shared in this episode. I encourage you to visit the social media pages and websites of our guests, as well as support their projects and endeavors that have sprouted from their pain. If you would like to apply to be a face in this project or are struggling and need help, please visit our website at faces of fortitude dot a RT for information on how to apply and visit the educate page on my website for a thorough list of support options. And until next time, please remember, this world is such a difficult place to live in right now for so many people. We never know what someone is going through. I hope you'll find a way to be softer with each other and yourself, and harder on the systems that are trying to silence, hurt and erase us. Take care out there and stay safe.
